I apologize in advance as this post is really a way for me to get all my thoughts out and hope that it all comes together in a nice package at the end. Newsflash: it probably won’t make any sense.
Apparently one has a Starby’s addiction when you have to squeeze into your winter coat after drinking your second vanilla bean latte of the day which is washing down your blueberry scone. I don’t know how anyone can have such a habit, but after 7 straight days of Starbucks visits, I knew I had to kick it. Not because my wallet was crying (well…partly due to financial constraints), but because I knew this is was my “new binge”. I had to change this behaviour when I made a last minute run to a location that I never visited before since I would look like a “regular” in other locations and I didn’t want to be judged based on my second order of the day. I wasn’t doing a terrible job with the drinks as I never asked for extra whip or pumps. What did the damage was the baked good add-on. It’s no secret that I love my muffins and cookies. Can you blame me as I grew up in a baking household? In that single day, I ate a blueberry scone and an oat bar. That’s 720 calories of pure carbs and yet I still wanted more. These aren’t light snacks at all. Keep in mind, that this is pretty similar to what I had every day for the previous 6 days. I had to stop. So I did.
I have been Tim Hortons-free since January 27 and I’d like to keep it that way. I’ll need to add Starbucks to this list until I can safely walk into a store and just get 6 black coffees (6 because I am only 6 stars away from Gold status. I know, I know…addiction.). I started frequenting Starbucks due to the atmosphere where I relaxed after work by sipping on coffee (with free refills!) and reading. Essentially I was trying to maintain the “sophisticated urbanite” in me order while indulging on a few too many snacks. Realistically, this faux happiness was adding to the setback that I created.
Also, it didn’t help that I was trying to handle an annoying situation with a jerk (for lack of a better word). Of course, I’m the type of person who eats their emotions and, boy, did I eat them. I hit my rock bottom, again. And when I said ‘again’, I mean that I hit it before, changed my life around and was an unstoppable, amazing powerhouse. After 6 months of sliding down a hill of setbacks and regression to my old mentality, it finally clicked that only I could control what was occurring and how I was feeling. It truly is mind over matter. I want to be that awesomely, beautiful (inside and out) person and not let my emotions get the best of me. I’m more than that, and I’m definitely worth more than that.
I happened to be cleaning out the junk my desktop and saw the quote that I had saved from The Tig (gotta love Meghan Markle). It could not be any more appropriate for this moment in time. How I react is my karma. I’m not going to complain, eat my feelings, or be hard on myself. I can only work towards being a better version of myself and be grateful that I am blessed with wonderful people who walk into my life, regardless of how it may end.
It’s almost 9pm on a stormy winter night and I’m going to do something that old me would had made an excuse to avoid: I’m going to the gym. At the end of the day I’m still a powerhouse. (And, no, I won’t get Starbucks after my workout)