Face Your Fear Monday

Thanks to my sister I faced a huge fear yesterday: I went to a clothing store, tried on clothes and actually purchased a few things.

As a recovering shopaholic (it’s a real thing, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise), I had to learn how to decipher the difference between my needs, wants, must-haves for fall 20xx (my favourite fashion season), and can’t-live-withouts. It was hard but I came to a point where I bought only what I could afford and when I needed to truly replace something. When I went into the store yesterday I had the intention to put on my horse blinders, head for the cashier and ask for the items sister put on hold. But then I saw it – colour and patterns! Felt it – the softest twill and cotton. Heard it – extra 50% off sale!

With my weight loss journey it has been hard as I quickly had to purchase new dress pants every month.  My wallet hated me but my inner fashionista loved it. I couldn’t resist the temptation to buy gorgeous rompers, dresses and shorts – things that I perceived only skinny girls could wear. But then I hit a road block and it sent me up the hill again. All the “fat pants” were thrown out and I am struggling to squeeze a leg into my size 4 Tommy khakis in  sky blue (undoubtedly my favourite pants in the world) and other things that I was once floating in. I haven’t visited a clothing in store in months and recently I haven’t liked it when my sister or mom purchased new clothing for me because it was embarrassing to tell them that it didn’t fit. Actually, I didn’t want to face the fact that I was gaining weight and by such a staggering amount.

Until yesterday – I faced the music and it was not pretty. I somehow managed to still fit into a size Medium skirt and zip up size 9 pants. Not fun. Not fun at all. But I did purchased a beautiful cotton white maxi dress as my “motivation dress” in a size small. Needless to say my inner fashionista rejoiced at this purchase – not because the dress was beautiful. But because I was relieved. Relieved that I finally conquered that fear and I could finally start at Step 1 again and go back to being happy, healthy and confident.

After a year full of road blocks, battling depression and an eating disorder, having a furbaby, moving cities and switching jobs (for the better), finding the love of my life, and gaining 40+ lbs – I’m ready to finish this weight loss journey once and for all.

It’s about damn time.

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